I have always been a person who viewed life as a source of challenge and exploration. Every opportunity and each problem was taken as a chance to improve and perform my best. I wasn’t like this always…. It happened as I grew up and realised that the recognition and approval of the people in the society which included my family and friends is always on the basis of being able to do something extraordinary.
I felt God has not been too kind to bestow an art or genius characters in me, then as a ordinary woman how to be extraordinary was an everlasting question in my mind. The search for an answer to the question somehow took me towards further exploring and performing everything that came my way in pursuit of being that unique who could do so many things at a time without losing my smile and positivity. I started getting words of appreciation from my family and seniors in the workplace. I realised that I have finally hit the jackpot, its very simple; Do everything that comes your way sincerely and with complete dedication.
I became a mother of two boys by the time I grew physically and mentally matured to start understanding the consequences of my success mantra. In this whole battle of doing he best of what comes your way I forgot MY WAY. I literally realised that I have not thought exactly what is the way I want my life to be. I was being driven madly around by the people who admired my sincerity and dedication. I actually forgot to tell myself in this whole journey that I am living MY LIFE and I wish to live it my way.
I was suddenly feeling a sense of victimisation of my attributes and being too polite and politically correct every time. When I got a chance to think ‘What do I really want’ the answer was very simple, I want to be first and foremost a good mother who can raise humble and responsible two human beings. I felt thats the most important responsibility God has casted on me and found me suitable to do my best. Then what am I being doing all this while? How am I being able to fulfill this duty by performing umpteen tasks of the day with that much devotion.
When I looked in the eyes of my kids all what I could see was it really didnt matter to them whether I was appreciated by everyone around or not, all what they cared for is my generous and clear smile when they came back home or when they need me around. Fulfilling so many tasks at hand and rejoicing in being applauded by all around, left me with no energy to actually live that moment of my true definition of LIFE
I felt that they dont want a Mom who could do it all with perfection, they wanted a mom who was just happy in doing what she loved to do.